The Adventures of Kelly Prescott
by DemonicBallerina
Summary: “I am Kelliella Alexandra… Esmarelda… um… well okay, I can’t remember my name, but you lot better stop looking at me funny because I am a descendent of the all powerful Kelliella Trotsbottom and I can kick butt if want to!” ...Tagteam with timydamonkey
1. From Perfection to Rejection

**The Adventures of Kelly Prescott:**

**Disclaimer: The Mediator belongs to Meg Cabot not us.**

**Summary: Tagteam with timydamonkey. All is not well in Carmel; a demon hit an all time low and got angry. Enter assassins, craziness, bizarre love triangles, affairs and general mayhem…**

**A/N: The pairings remain private until we decide to let you find out. **

**MUAHAHA! But you will be very, very surprised.**

**Set before Twilight.**

It all happened on one of those days that was just like totally… UGH! You know? It just totally SUCKED!

I hate days like that. Not that I get them all that much. My life is usually just totally awesome!

Except for today. Today sucked.

Ok, so I was fumbling with the combination on my locker, and shoving in my books. As class President, I'm supposed to get to class early and take pride in doing so. Today, however, someone called my phone.

This isn't like unusual or anything, since - being as popular as I am - I get phone calls all the time. It was just that that particular phone call marked the beginning of the end of the world.

Or my life, as some people like to call it.

"Oh my God, hi Kelly!" yelled a voice on the other end.

"Debbie, hi!" I grinned as I recognized my friend's voice. "How's it going?"

"Great, but you'll never guess what- Oh my God, it's like totally amazing!"

I grinned even wider. What could it be? Another HOT guy? I was so excited that it was, like, totally amazing. "What, what?" I asked in eager um… an… an… anticipation! That's it!

I did not get the answer I wanted. For once.

"OH MY GOD!" squealed Debbie; her voice so loud that I wondered why my ears hadn't fell off. "SHE'S HERE! OH - MY – GOD! He's there, too!"

"Who's there?" I asked impatiently, but she butted in. God, Debbie can be so annoying sometimes. I mean, she's totally lucky that I let her be my best friend, and she just takes advantage of that privilege sometimes. I wondered if she needed replacing.

"I'm gonna go talk to her, I'll see you in five!"

"Wait-" I exclaimed, but she rung off.

Well, I thought, so much for friendship. After giving my phone the glare of doom and failing to get any reaction other than an imperfect looking reflection – I needed to sort that out, I thought idly – I turned around to walk off.

I didn't end up walking off straight away, though.

Because when I turned around, that was when I first saw them. It was HORRIBLE!

CEECEE WEBB walking HAND IN HAND with MY GUY!

HELLO! Paul Slater was NOT available right now! Especially for Mission Academy's resident FUR-REEK! He was MINE!

And I was SO not going to let him be claimed by _her_.

I walked up to them and noticed that they were surrounded MY friends.

WHAT WAS GOING ON!

I asked them just that, of course. And their reply was SO not something I needed to hear.

_CeeCee Webb_ had replaced _me_, Kelly Prescott, as the most popular girl in Junipero Serra Mission Academy.

**A/N: And believe it or not, it gets weirder. Mwuhahaha!**

**Please review!**


	2. The Truth About Jesse

**The Adventures of Kelly Prescott**

**Chapter 2 – The Truth About Jesse **

**A/N: We don't mean to offend any Jesse fans in this chapter. Jesse's great! It's just that Chloe and I couldn't resist this little twist…**

After school I totally stormed back home and got ready to tell my daddy the WORST-NEWS-EVER! I mean, it was like totally unheard of for me not to be popular! I bet daddy was _sooo _popular when HE was in school! So I was like totally not looking forward to letting him know that I'd been repl-

God, I can't even say it.

I didn't know if I could survive, you know. And that is just sooo not like me. I swear I've never felt like this before. But then, I've never been rejected before either.

Rejected.

Oh God, what a horrible, horrible word.

And it was all because of that albino freak!

I don't even get it. All she did was push Paul Slater out of the way of the random boulder that was rolling down the hall. And now they're GOING OUT!

And it's not like Suze Simon didn't do almost the exact same thing when she first came here. I mean, sure, people talked about that A LOT, but nothing LIKE THIS ever happened.

And now she's just totally gone and grabbed MY guy and MY friends and MY popularity! That's just soooo unfair.

I stomped up the front steps and flounced into the house. Daddy turned around and gave me a dazzling smile.

"Hello, princess, how are you?" he asked. It was the question I'd been waiting for. I immediately burst into tears and ran up and hugged him.

"DADDY! IT WAS HORRIBLE! They… she… IT'S NOT FAIR!"

"Kelly, sweetheart, what's wrong?" he questioned, looking at me, totally concerned.

"SHE REPLACED ME! CEECEE WEBB REPLACED ME!" I looked up at my dad amidst all of my rabid ranting. "She was a TOTAL LOSER, daddy! A FREAKING ALBINO! And now she's more popular than me! AND, OH MY GOD, SHE'S STILL AN ALBINO. AN _ALBINO _IS MORE POPULAR THAN ME! OH MY GOD!" I was hyperventilating, so I paused slightly to catch by breath and found myself backtracking and then I discovered a horrible truth. "In fact, EVERYONE is more popular than me now, probably even that fag friend of hers…"

My brain then proceeded to stop thinking anything except: OH MY GOD, I'M LESS POPULAR THAN _ADAM MCTAVISH! _OH MY GOD! THE WORLD IS OVER!

"Kelly, I…"

I cut him off. Sorry, but what _I _had to say was more important. I was telling my story of angst and rejection! It was MY TIME IN THE LIMELIGHT now that everyone else had kicked me out of it! Daddy wouldn't, though. He's too nice and doesn't stab you in the back. Speaking of which…

"And all my friends BETRAYED me! Even Debbie! God, I'm so going to kill her, it's like so totally unfair, Webb doesn't DESERVE this. _I _do! I'm class VP, not her! She's like a total dumbass!"

I felt an odd power surging around me, and noticed daddy was staring at me with pride.

_Pride? Pride! _After what I'd just told him?

OH MY GOD. HE WAS A TRAITOR TOO! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? DO I HAVE GARLIC BREATH? DO I HAVE A ZIT…? OH MY GOD, I DO, DON'T I? WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME? Just because THE ALBINO (I refuse to call her by her dumbass name anymore) doesn't have any!

TRAITORS!

"YOU TRAITOR! YOU TRAITOR," I screamed.

"Kelly," daddy snapped. "Shut up a minute! You need to listen to me."

I froze. Daddy NEVER spoke to me like that!

He adopted a more gentle tone. "It is time," he said in a voice that sounded totally like Father D's, "To tell you the truth about your heritage and who you are."

"Um, hello? I'm Kelly Prescott, daddy! You're being SO mean!"

"Actually," he said in a really important sounding voice, staring at me, "your real name is Kelliella Alexandra Esmeralda Justine Sapphire Heliopolis Annabel Joan Prescott Trotsbottom."

I stared at him, speechless. …The whole situation was just totally… STUPID! You know?

He carried on. "Our family… it has a curse. It all started approximately 150 years ago with your great-great-great-great grandfather Hector."

"_Hector?"_ I laughed. What a name! God, it's even worse than CEECEE, and that's saying something!

He ignored me again. God, daddy can be _sooo _annoying sometimes. "Your great grandfather, Hector de Silva – you may refer to him as 'Grandpa Jesse' if you wish - was _the_ paragon of virtue, until…" he paused dramatically, and I held my breath, waiting for the revelation, "he was seduced by a man veela."

I was in a numb shock. _Man-veela? MAN-VEELA! _

Wasn't a veela one of those things from that book that I very conveniently happen to have read? What was it called? Oh yeah, Harry Potter.

OH MY GOD! This was like… totally DUMB! MAN-VEELA! Wait a minute… DID THAT MEAN HE WAS GAY!

"But that's another story," Daddy continued.

Thank God for THAT!

"Anyway, Hector and your great-great-great-great grandmother, Kelliella Trotsbottom, met at Hector's family ranch-"

"A ranch!" I squealed, "EEEEEEEWWWW!"

Daddy ignored me AGAIN. "They fell in love almost instantly, but because Hector was engaged to his cousin they-"

"His _cousin! _WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY?"

"- Could not possibly be together. Eventually they couldn't stand to be apart for any longer so they ran away together. Hector returned to his family when Kelliella died in childbirth. He left his daughter with a kind family and carried on with his life. No one knew where he had mysteriously vanished to for almost a year. But they forgave him and it appeared that his wedding to his cousin Maria was back on."

I shook my head, "That is _so_ wrong."

"There's more though," Daddy said.

I rolled my eyes. "Go on then."

"Unfortunately, he didn't show up for the wedding and was never seen again," Daddy's expression went serious. "However, that wasn't the end of it. Because it turned out that Kelliella Trotsbottom was an extremely powerful demon. And, therefore, so was her daughter. Do you know what I'm saying, Kelly?"

Comprehension was slowly dawning, but not quite. I stared up at him with wide eyes.

"OH. MY. GOD." I said, more shocked than I'd ever been in my life, I SOOO could NOT believe this! "I'm _related_ to a guy named _HECTOR_!"

Daddy frowned. "Um, that's not actually what I was getting at. You're a demon, Kelly, sweetie, and Hector brought this horrible bad luck curse upon his own family… This is all our own dear, sweet Hector's fault." He looked up at the sky and I heard him mutter, "may God smite the fellow right into Hell where he belongs."

A demon? No way! I couldn't be a demon, they didn't exist.

I laughed. "No, seriously?"

"It's true, Kelly. Why do you think your hair grew back so quickly that time your mother and I cruelly forced you to get it cut?"

"Um," I said, "Daddy, that never happened."

Daddy looked thoughtful. "Oh, yeah. But your eyes _do_ flash red whenever you're angry."

My eyes widened, "Oh my gosh! I was _wondering_ about that!"

"You'll soon discover even more of your powers, Kelly. And then you'll be the most powerful demon in the family since Kelliella Trotsbottom herself."

I frowned. "Why's that?"

"Because your mother just so happens to be a demon too."

"Oh, right," I said, brightening up.

This was so cool. Now that I had demonic powers I could totally get back at The Albino. This was just totally going to rock!

I suddenly thought of something.

"What happened to Hector?" I asked loudly.

Daddy gave me a small smile. "Some say he ran away to New Zealand to avoid the shame of breaking off his marriage. Others say that he married some other woman and had thirty-two children. But we Trotsbottoms-"

"Prescotts, Daddy," I interrupted. I mean, _Trotsbottom_! Ew!

"- Know the truth. Hector was murdered by Maria de Silva. He was going to break off his marriage with Maria and she found out. She couldn't bare the shame so she had him killed."

Um, okay. "And _how_ do we know this?" I asked, confused.

"The Trotsbottoms-" PRESCOTTS DAMNIT! "- are also descended from a long line of psychics," Daddy said, pride clear in his voice.

"Wow, Daddy," I said, "is there anything our family _can't_ do?"

"Not a thing, Kelly, not a thing."

"Great," I beamed then started to skip off.

I didn't get far, though.

"Wait," daddy called in a choked voice. "There's more!"

I froze. "What now?" I asked shakily, suddenly wide eyed and shivering. I don't know why, probably for a dramatic effect or something.

"Now that I've told you about your true identity you have suddenly - and somewhat randomly – gained the ability to see ghosts."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Um, why?"

He gave a dramatic sigh. "Must you suck the fun out of everything? It's for the convenience of the plot, okay?" He then added in a scary voice, pointing a finger at me dramatically, "And it will come back to haunt you someday!"

"Oh, okay!" I chirped, doing a full turn for no apparent reason. "Wait a minute… Ghosts are _real?_"

Daddykins sighed. "This could take a while…"

**A/N: Elaine - Do we need a disclaimer for the Harry Potter references in here? Whatever, there it is. **

**Thanks for the reviews**

**Pink-Raven: I can't spell either. And I stumble on words all the time. Chloe's got a really wide vocabulary, it seems, and I have to dumb lots of stuff that she writes down. I get the feeling that if _I_ wouldn't use a word then Kelly wouldn't use it either. **

**Mrs. Nikki Slater: CeeCee and Paul are just the beginning… mwuhahahaha! **

**SingingSoftly: -Beams- I'm glad you think so. I don't know about Chloe, but I wasn't fully sure if the first chapter was that funny. We're pleased you like it.**

**Mrs. Meg DeSilva Slater: Thanks!**

**Treehuggr344: Thanks. Maybe thanks to this we'll all find that Kelly's not so bad… or maybe not.**

**CeeCeeCaffeine: Hmm you've got me wondering what Debbie's reaction would be if _she_ found out she was a demon. But you're right; all I've got is ****LIKEUMMTOTALLY!**

**Review!**


	3. Introducing The CeeCee Clone Girls!

**Adventures of Kelly Prescott**

**Chapter 3- Introducing theCeeCee Clone Girls**

I flew into school the next day, my hair flowing dramatically behind me, and a no-nonsense look on my face. I looked totally ready to kick butt, which is not usually a look I go for, but I must have looked good because, let's face it, I always do.

I was going to show CeeCee Webb who was really the most popular girl at Junipero Serra Mission Academy. Even if it was technically her, since she was the one with the hordes of people crowded round her and all. But I just felt in my heart that I was popular. It may not have been true, or even have made sense, but that's what I felt.

So I, like, stalked down the corridor, not caring about whether I had to use my newfound demonic powers or not - just as long as I made CeeCee regret replacing me, I'd be happy.

I suddenly stopped in my tracks; there she was, leaning against someone's locker. She was standing next to Brad Ackerman for some reason (did she dump Paul already? God! What a S-L-U-T!) Her back was to me, but I could tell it was her. It was like totally obvious. She tossed her white hair as she laughed at something Brad had said, and then stopped mid-toss, as if she realised she realised she shouldn't be doing that. She was straightening out her hair as I approached. I was revolted. I mean, you should have seen her, trying to hide the fact that she was this big phoney.

Disgusting!

I walked right up to her, grabbed her shoulder and angrily spun her around. Her expression became shocked. And so did mine. This… wasn't CeeCee at all.

"Debbie?" I squeaked, staring at her incredulously.

"Oh… hi Kelly," she said, giving me a totally funny look.

I just kept staring at her. "Debbie, what are you wearing?"

And what had she done to her HAIR? It was… WHITE!

And her skin! How was her skin so pale?

"Um Kelly, I feel as if I should be asking you the same thing. I mean, this is _in. _And um…" she looked at my designer clothes with distaste, "what you're wearing is so… yesterday."

My mouth dropped open. "But… but…you're not wearing any MAKE UP!"

I could hardly believe it! It was… it was… SCANDALOUS!

She leaned in towards me and said, like it was some kind of embarrassing secret, "Um, yeah, actually I'm wearing powder… just till my tan fades, I mean."

As she straightened up from revealing her big 'secret', I stared at her. I could hardly believe that this was my best friend I was talking to! At least, that's what I had thought she was. I wasn't too sure when she went and said, "Look Kelly, I don't know what's up with you, but I think that maybe we should, like, stay away from each other for now. I mean, you could be bad for my image."

And then she walked away.

I felt a surge of anger as she caught up with who I presumed was the real CeeCee – it was hard to tell; I noticed now that almost everyone looked like her. As I felt the anger rise up in me I noticed a few people giving me weird and, for some reason, slightly scared looks.

I quickly slipped into an empty classroom as the bell rang for homeroom, and took a mirror from my purse. Did I have something on my face? No. Good. I pushed a few strands of hair out of my face, staring angrily at my reflection.

So my skin wasn't pale? So my hair was a few shades too dark? So I actually had a good fashion sense? So what? I took pride in my appearance. Why was it making me so unpopular?

I glared at the mirror. God, I hated them. I hated them so much! The anger was boiling up inside of me again. Only this time I saw the reason why all those people had been so scared.

My eyes had just flashed red.

I put my mirror away. So, my demonic powers had begun to show. They weren't helping, though. What I wanted was to be popular again, not to scare everyone away. But how could I do it?

A noise from behind me disrupted my thoughts. I turned around. So the classroom hadn't been as empty as I had originally thought. A guy was standing at the far end of the room with his back to me. I guess I hadn't noticed he had company, since he was paying no attention to me.

It was then that I realised that there was something weird about this guy – and I wasn't just talking about the fact that his pants were extremely tight (although I had briefly wondered if this was CeeCee's doing.) No, what was strange about him was that he was glowing. Literally glowing!

My first thought was, 'oh, thank GOD! He's not turning into another CeeCee clone!' It looked like there was totally one guy around who wasn't nuts – even if he did look like he'd been involved in some nuclear experiment gone wrong. I mean, I could totally imagine all this nuclear stuff making the guy glow and all – I may not understand it, but I wasn't dumb.

I knew nuclear stuff made other stuff glow!

Anyway, so I stared at the nuclear boy, and gave him a funny look. It was totally wasted though as he was like… facing the wall or something.

"Um," I started, but he suddenly started muttering quietly.

…He ignored me, too! OH MY GOSH! WHY DOES EVERYONE IGNORE ME? Do I have to become CeeCee #4757995895589 before people listen to me anymore?

GOD!

I totally didn't deserve this.

I suddenly decided to stop wallowing in self-pity and find something to scream at the nuclear guy in the tight pants about later.

In other words, I eavesdropped on his crazy-sounding, one-person conversation.

To do this, I decided to be all over-dramatic. Austin Powers music suddenly played from some random place (the guy didn't seem to notice), and I totally hid behind a desk on my hands and knees, being a totally top-class spy. See, nobody can say I can do nothing productive!

"_Mi querida… te amo. _He has hurt you for one too many times, and no longer will I stand to see him hurt you. Then we may finally be happy and he shall be slain – it will be good riddance, no?"

I swear the guy was insane. But hot. WAY hot. Too bad he was wearing a frilly shirt.

But anyway… um, who the hell was he talking to? DID HE LOVE THIN AIR? Ew, now that's just GROSS! And, um… stupid.

Suddenly, he spun around and pulled the trigger on… A MACHINE GUN? OH MY GOSH! This day was getting stranger and stranger!

I totally turned to see where the bullets had hit, and saw some large holes in the wall. Serious damage. The nuclear guy didn't seem so happy, though.

"_Dios… _I missed!"

I examined the wall again, and saw a target board of sorts.

It was a cardboard cut-out of Paul Slater's face.

…What the hell?

And hey, I was totally going to go out with Paul Slater when CeeCee Webb learned to take her grubby little powder white hands off him.

I gave the guy an evil glare.

He didn't seem to notice, because it was just then he just… disappeared!

OH MY GOSH, HE REALLY HAD BEEN SOME KIND OF NUCLEAR EXPERIMENT! He was like… the next generation of SPIDERMAN!

Suddenly though, the shock wore off and I started laughing evilly, pulling myself up off the floor.

May I just take this moment to say that my evil laugh is totally cool, and I bet it will be WAY better than little Miss I'm-so-cool-because-I'm-an-albino's. Can she even laugh evilly? I bet she can't! See, I'm SO much better than HER! Everyone could totally see that if they hadn't lost their minds.

You see, I was totally convinced that that was what had happened. Because, why would anyone leech after CeeCee instead of someone like… I don't know, ME?

But anyway, I was laughing all evilly and demonically, because the nuclear guy had given me an idea.

I COULD BLOW UP THE SCHOOL.

No, wait, that's the wrong idea…

Oh yeah, so I knew what to do about Miss Albino-Freak. I looked up at the sky (or, you know, ceiling), suddenly stopping laughing, and called, "THANK YOU!" to the nuclear guy, wherever he was, for secretly telling me what to do.

CeeCee Webb, the pale chick who was now acting like a complete moron and being leeched at by my friends, had stolen my popularity.

And I was going to get it back.

After all, there's no way she can be more popular than me and all fawned over when she's a corpse!

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! We love you all!**


	4. Horns of the Devil LTD

**Adventures of Kelly Prescott:**

**A/N: Chloe – Well, here's another chapter. Elaine did a great job on this, as I wasn't very good at being funny this time, and she worked hard on this. Round of applause, readers?**

PFFT.

As soon as I got home that day I totally started flicking through the pages of the telephone directory, ready to carry out my idea as soon as possible. I wasn't really sure if this thing had what I was looking for, but it had soooo many pages that I figured it must have _something_ I could use in it. What was with that anyway? I mean, why the hell was this thing so thick? Why would anyone need so many pages of complete rubbish? I sure didn't. And after seeing fifty five million ads for ramen noodles, I was really beginning to feel disheartened.

Seriously. Who the hell eats ramen noodles?

There were only thirteen million make up and clothes ads! See, now THAT is far more productive than ramen noodles. But does it get the attention it rightfully deserves? No!

It seems people would rather sell noodles than clothes.

Idiots.

Well, I decided, as soon as I've sorted out this CeeCee problem I'm going to make sure NO ONE disrespects the fashion industry ever again. Those noodle-selling freaks will get what they deserve!

I'm a demon, you know, I can make that happen.

…I think.

My dad gave me an odd look as he watched me searching the telephone book. I think it must have had something to do with Sister Ernestine walking in on me as I was laughing evilly in that room with bullet holes in the wall. You know, the one where that nice Nuclear Guy had given me this totally awesome idea about what to do about CeeCee? That one.

Anyway, when Sister E walked in and saw it all her face was totally priceless!

She dragged me out of the room and totally into Father D's office. And we had a staring match. I don't know why, but it was so cool. And then he sighed and let me go. And I decided to walk out of school right then and there, while Sister What's-Her-Face rang home telling my dad I was a total psycho.

Yeah, _whatever_!

Anyway, it was awesome.

You see, now that no one really cares about me anymore, I don't have to worry about these things. People don't care if I act like a psycho, which is totally convenient because it's actually kind of fun.

Not that I prefer it to being popular! God, no! Being unpopular has its perks, but they're only these really, really tiny ones. Being popular is my _life!_

So you can see why I need to do this.

To get my life back.

It's like _really_ important.

I yawned and closed my eyes for a moment, as I flicked through the telephone book, and as a result, I almost missed what I was looking for. I stared, not believing my eyes.

Speaking of eyes, I then saw dad watching me. I threw him a dirty glare and turned my back on him.

Dad got the message and went out of the room. With a smirk I went back to the ad.

**HORNS OF THE DEVIL LTD. **

**Teachers boring you to death? Kids being bitches to you? People stealing YOUR popularity? Don't want to do anything about it yourself?**

**LOOK NO FURTHER!**

**We'll get rid of them, for the cheap fee of ten dates with the chief assassin, Dr. Ike Eelyu! **

**No worrying necessary, we WILL sort out the problem!**

**Just call Dr. Ike Eelyu on 1-800-I'LL-SHOOT-YOU! That's 1800-I'LL-SHOOT-YOU, folks! Call now, and never be worried by any imbeciles again! It will change your life!**

**(Subject to change depending on gender, looks and sexual skills.**

**Terms and conditions apply. We will not be held responsible for messing up, false evidence, and will point the finger at you. And please, come again, if such events happen!**

**We take no responsibility if you actually come across any imbeciles in the future.**

**We do not guarantee that this service will actually change your life.)**

I smirked and picked up the phone, just imagining what the Albino's face would like if she saw me now.

You may be wondering why I'm not going to just do the job myself. Which I guess is a pretty good question, since demons are supposed to do this sort of thing all the time. Kill people, I mean. And I _did _give it some consideration, but in the end I decided that it was just too messy.

I mean, I could break a _nail_ or something. Or I could mess up my hair. I know Alyssa Milano and people like her always look good when they're kicking demon butt on _Charmed _or whatever– something that I have now come to find totally offensive. I mean, we demons aren't _that_ bad! Those people they killed probably deserved it. But whatever, the point is that that is on TV, not real life. If I _did_ try to kill CeeCee myself I'd probably only end up getting blood on an extremely expensive pair of shoes or something. It is soooo not worth it.

So no killing – it's too messy.

A hired assassin, on the other hand… now that would work.

Not to mention a free date with someone who sounded like a hottie. Come on, we know everyone called _Ike _must be a hottie!

I dialled the number and waited for someone to answer. Oh my God! This was like, sooooo exciting! I totally couldn't wait to get my popularity back.

I was so excited that when I heard a guy go, "Hello?" on the other end that I jumped right out of my seat.

"Uh, hi," I said, "Is this Dr. Ike? Ike Eelyu?"

There was a pause, I hoped I had the right number 1800-I'LL-SHOOT-YOU… that's what it said in the book. It must be right.

Unless shoot meant shooting up drugs. That'd be so awesome, talking on the phone to someone who could get CeeCee high on drugs, and then she'd be expelled. And then bye-bye popularity for CeeCee, _hello _again Kelly!

But it probably didn't. It'd be cool though.

"Dr. Ike…?" the guy sounded confused for a moment then went, "Oh yeah! Yeah, that's me. So what's the problem?"

I grinned; this was going to be soooo great!

"I need you to get rid of someone for me," I chirped.

Another pause. This was soooo dramatic. "Meet me at The Point in fifteen minutes."

Then there was a click; he'd hung up.

The Point? What did he want to meet _there_ for?

Wait! What if this was one of the dates? What if he wanted to go The Point so we could MAKE OUT? What if he was OLD and BALD?

EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Okay, okay, just calm down Kelly. It might not be so bad. He could be totally hot. You don't know yet. REMEMBER, HIS NAME IS IKE! So just go and find out. And meanwhile, be optimistic.

Come on Ike, live up to your hot name!

I took a deep breath, and then picked up my car keys. I could do this; I knew I could. I went outside and got in my car. Then I set off towards The Point.

It was totally stupid of me to be worried about this. I was a demon, after all! If the guy turned out to be a creep then all I had to do was breathe acid or something. I wasn't actually sure if I could do that, but whatever.

I'd do something. Or, you know, hope Nuclear Guy could appear. If he really _was _a superhero, he wouldn't let me die! Even if he _was _insane!

As I neared The Point I saw that someone was already parked up there. I parked next to them and got out of the car then I turned and looked at the mysterious Dr. Ike…

OH.

MY.

GOD!

**A/N: Chloe - Haha, cliffhanger. The more reviews we get, the quicker we update. Muahaha. We are so evil.**

**Elaine – now for review replies…**

**RebelWriter: When we started this Chloe and I spent like a whole Science lesson listing the weirdest things we could think of, like Kelly being a demon and CeeCee having a group of clones and so on. And then we just crammed it all into a fic. So don't be surprised if none of it makes any sense.**

**By the way, are you on the Meg Cabot Book Club? Because you're always giving me cool reviews and I think it would be fun if I could chat to you on there, since I don't have msn or anything.**

**Starburst427: It's all so scary, isn't it? Mwuhahaha!**

**Kara: Suze will come into it soon enough. We just haven't had a chance to fit her in yet. Next chapter maybe.**

**AmethystHannah: You'll find out what's going on with Suze later. She's not really a main character in this story but she will come into it.**

**Kisara The Angel of Music: lol Well, we have to find _some_ way to entertain ourselves during boring science lessons. And coming up with wacky stuff to write in this is so much fun.**

**JessesLatinaQuerida: Thank you! We're glad you like it.**

**Treehuggr344: Well, has anyone told _you_ how fabby your reviews are? Because they're great. We love reading them. And does Jesse seem a bit crazy to you? (Grins) You haven't seen anything yet!**

**Mazzy: thank you! I'm glad you like it so much. love ya, Marie!**

**Echo-waters: All will become clear in time… I hope.**

**Thank you all for reviewing! Now do it again please!**


	5. The Point

**Adventures of Kelly Prescott:**

I swear the world has gone insane. Like, officially this time.

I mean, I had a hunch there was something wrong when I found out I was a demon with supernatural powers, and that thing with that weird nuclear guy, whoever he was, and, _oh yeah_, when CEECEE WEBB stole my popularity! (Okay just calm down, Kelly, calm down… woo, sorry about that. She just makes me so mad!) But this? This made it official…

I don't know if you guessed that when I got to The Point there was no Ike Eelyu there. Yeah, you know who it really was?

Paris Hilton.

Ha! No, I'm joking, I'm joking. See, that was funny. I can be funny! I bet you didn't know that about me, did you?

Ha ha… Paris Hilton… I crack myself up…

Anyway, the person who was _really_ at the point was soooo the last person I would ever expect to see there. I mean, if I actually _had_ met Paris Hilton there then it would have made more sense than this. Because I don't actually know Paris, do I? For all I know she could _totally_ give of the whole hired assassin vibe to her friends. She could be crouching in the shadows right now, loading a gun as waits silently for her unsuspecting victim to come within shooting range. I'm telling you, it could happen.

Yeah, but you know who I _didn't_ expect to be the person I was going to hire to kill CeeCee Webb? _Paul Slater_, that's who! I mean, _him_ of all people! It just didn't seem likely is all. I'm telling you though, if Brad Ackerman or someone suddenly reveals that he's some kind of mutant water nymph with the ability to shoot lasers out of his eyes, then I'll be ready for it. Oh yeah!

I think I handled the situation pretty well though, when I saw Paul I was all, "LIKE OMIGOSH PAUL! WHAT ARE **YOU** DOING HERE?"

And then he went, sounding soooo surprised, "_Kelly_? _You_ called me? _You _want me to kill someone?"

"Totally!" I said, beaming at him. I was suddenly feeling a lot better about this. I mean, now I knew that Ike wasn't old or bald, he was Paul! And Paul was soooooo hot! "Oh my God Paul! I am sooooo glad it's you! I mean, I'm kind of disappointed that your name's not Ike, but I can deal." I beamed at him some more.

"Uh, right," Paul said, "That Ike Eelyu thing, that was a joke you know…"

"A joke?" I asked feeling totally baffled.

"Yeah, you know, Ike Eelyu… I kill you… get it?"

I thought about it. "Uuuummmmmmm……… Oh yeah! Ha ha! I kill you! I get it now. Ha." Oh my God! I couldn't believe how funny Paul was! And he was soooooo hot too! He was like perfect, or something. I sooooo couldn't wait until he was mine!

Paul gave me a weird look. "So… about this job?"

Oh, right. I'd almost forgotten about that – must be the prospect of so many dates with Paul, who I'd wanted to go out with for ages! Who cares if he was with the dumb Albino Chick, it said so in the _advert, _so he'd _have_ to do it!

"Oh, yeah. I want you to dispose of C…" Right before I said it, I started to think, well, if I really had the power to decide who lived and who died, then whom should I kill? CeeCee, she's evil although I have bigger fish to fry, or those crazy cartoons of stuff like Barney or those crazy Tweenies? Or the makers of that Crazy Frog ringtone? Or maybe he could try and kill that Nuclear Guy, just to see whether or not he's really an invincible superhero-

No, wait, what am I _thinking. _Hello, brain? Planning on processing any information here? CeeCee STOLE MY POPULARITY and THAT is INEXCUSABLE! She MUST die!

"…CeeCee Webb," I finished, looking Paul right in the eye.

Paul's eyes widened like saucers. But, y'know, saucers without teacups on them, because that'd just be weird. "But-I-buh-idda-wabba-"

Hey… is he bilingual? Oh my God, Paul is SO hot. I LOVE him!

"Dude, CeeCee is my _girlfriend._"

"So?" I demanded. What did that matter? If he cheated on her with me, that was awesome. It'd show her she couldn't win everything, and that I still had the sex appeal and could happily get with a guy! And then when she saw such horrors, _then _she could die. It's like… torture or something.

"I don't go offing my girlfriends, I'm not _that _low!" He exclaimed, before muttering something in which I heard the words 'potential girlfriend' and 'Shadowland'. I raised him an eyebrow, my face hopefully showing my meaning clearly: What are you on about?

"But it said you'd date me, so you'd be cheating on that Albino chick then anyway. And, now I know your secret identity!" A grin appeared on my face. "If you don't uphold your ends of the bargain and date me and kill her, I can tell everyone you are the mysterious and deadly Ike Eelyu!" At the mention of his fake name, my eyes sparkled. Damnit, why couldn't Paul's parents have called him Ike?

This was so cool. It was like Spiderman. Normal guy one-minute, then crazy spiders swinging radioactively bitten guy the next. Well, okay, it's sorta different, but it sounds cool to compare it to Spiderman, though with Paul it's like he's the super secret stealthy ninja of deadliness, and that's got a _way _better achievements list.

Shame he doesn't have any special powers, though…

"I do this and we never speak of this again. Deal?"

"DEAL!" I yell with a grin, and then plot. I feel like I'm starring in some weird soap or something. It's like, 'first I will coerce him into having an affair with me and carry on seducing him, and then I get him to be gleeful about killing off CeeCee Webb, and then we live happily ever after until it turns out she was some important person and aliens start raining down from space, and…'

Okay! Let's cross that bridge if and when we come to it!

All that matter was that I had a plan, a hot date, and a possible means of getting my popularity back!

Suffice to say, going home from The Point, I felt ten times better than when I'd arrived.

I felt almost like a new person… but not quite.

A/N: I know it's not much but I don't think we really have that much time to write these days, with coursework and everything. I'm amazed that we actually got this up. So it might be a while until the next chapter is up. We'll try our best though. Thank you all so much for the reviews! I'm sorry to say that once again I don't have time to reply, but I'll try to next time… hopefully.


	6. Of Pirates and Pianos

**Adventures of Kelly Prescott:**

**A/N:** Chloe - Hope you like the chapter. I more contributed to planning than actually writing the chapter, so I gotta do a lot of work on the next chapter to make up for that, I guess. Applause to Elaine for writing this so well - do you know how hard this was to write in ditzy Kelly POV? Anyway, please review and thank you to all who reviewed last time - you make writing this when we should be studying for exams thoroughly worthwhile!

**Chapter 6 – Of Pirates and Pianos:**

The next day in school was soooooo exciting! I wasn't sure when Paul was going to assassinate CeeCee but it had to be soon. And then I'd get my popularity back!

Oooooh! I can't wait!

I nearly squealed out loud when I saw Paul in the courtyard at lunch, but I didn't of course. I mean, how weird would that look? _Hello? _I'm trying to get my popularity back, not make myself look like some total loser who's too weird to get any friends ever.

Puh-lease! As if I would ever do _that!_

So, when I saw Paul alone, I just casually walked over to him and went, "So did you do it yet?"

Paul glared at me in this really hurtful way. I mean, I thought he _liked_ me. WHY WOULD HE DO THAT TO ME?

I suddenly realized I was kind of freaking out here, so I just forced myself to breathe and eventually I calmed down.

"Not yet," was Paul's answer.

WHAT?

Why hadn't he done it? He told me he would! Oh my gosh! I couldn't believe this!

"Why _not?_" I whined. This usually helps me get my own way - at least, it works with Daddy anyway.

"Because I can't exactly walk into school with a gun and shoot my girlfriend in front of everyone, can I?" Paul hissed.

I thought about this. "Hmmm… I guess you're right," I sighed. Then I brightened up. "So when are you going to do it then?"

Paul looked annoyed. "I don't know… tonight probably."

I clapped my hands together and giggled a little bit. Did I mention how _exciting _this was?

Paul rolled his eyes then started to walk away but I grabbed his arm and went all conversationally, "Where are you going?"

"Away from you," he replied.

Oh my God! That was so mean. Why was he being so mean?

I didn't get to whine about it though, because right then Sister Ernestine walked over and glared at us. "Lunch is over. You two should be getting to your lessons, not standing here chatting."

I had just turned around and was starting to walk away, thinking to myself about how much Sister Ernestine sucked when I heard a loud bang behind me. I turned and was like totally surprised to see a grand piano sitting where Sister E had been standing a few seconds ago.

"Oh my God!" I shrieked, "I TURNED SISTER ERNESTINE INTO A PIANO!"

How cool is THAT?

Paul gave me a weird look and I looked more closely at the piano. There were legs sticking out from underneath it.

"A piano with legs?" I muttered, "Wow, that's interesting."

"Don't be stupid!" Paul said, irritated, "Someone pushed it off the roof. It's crushed her."

I looked at Paul, then at the piano, then back at Paul, then back at the piano…

"_Oh_!" I said, finally getting it. I looked up at the roof. "Who would have done that…?"

I nearly had like a heart attack or something when I saw the familiar face of the Nuclear Guy peer over the edge of the roof. He looked at the piano then at Paul and then he started to look really annoyed. Then something happened that was just soooooo weird. Nuclear Guy leapt off the roof and landed on the piano, pointing a sword at Paul and doing this weird pose.

"Slater!" he said in this kind of scary but really hot voice, "I challenge you to a duel!" Then he pulled a leather glove out of his pocket and slapped Paul across the face with it.

Paul's eyes narrowed and he smirked slightly. "You think you can beat me, de Silva?" And he pulled a sword out of… well, nowhere it seemed. Wow this was sooooooo cool. And totally weird, but whatever.

I briefly wondered where I'd heard the name 'de Silva' before but soon forgot about it when they started this totally awesome sword fight! It was totally like Pirates of the Caribbean or something. That Nuclear Guy even looked like a pirate, with his frilly shirt and everything. And it didn't even matter that Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom were nowhere to be seen, because Paul and Nuclear guy are both soooo hot! Although, come to think of it, I wouldn't mind if Johnny or Orlando decided to stop by…

I watched their fight, feeling like totally amazed. It took me a while to realise that I wasn't the only one watching this. Some guy went to me, "What's going on? Why has Slater got a sword… and who does he think he's fighting with?"

I looked at the guy like he was on crack. "He's fighting the Nuclear Guy, you moron!" I said. I mean, was he blind or something?

The guy returned my weird look. "Whatever, girl," he said and walked away from me.

What? What did I say?

Why does NOBODY like me?

Seriously, he didn't even call me by my name! I thought everyone knew my name!

Suddenly I squealed and moved out of the way of Paul, who was magically flung into the double doors behind me. He quickly stood up, though and Nuclear Guy went over and waved his sword at him, but Paul sort of blocked it and it was really cool. I didn't know Paul could use a sword. It was weird, but then, I guess it makes sense because he's an assassin and all. God, he was sooooo talented… and did I mention hot?

I followed them both inside, where they were still fighting. They were both swinging their swords and blocking and ducking and twirling. I guess it would have looked kind of nice if they both weren't trying to kill each other and everything.

I really didn't know who I wanted to win. I mean, I liked Nuclear Guy because he gave me that idea about hiring an assassin, but I also liked Paul because he was the love of my life and my one chance at getting my popularity back. Oooooh! I hate making decisions!

I guess I didn't have to decide in the end, though. Because eventually Nuclear Guy ended up backing Paul up into a dead end in front of this stock cupboard.

"Surrender, Slater!" Nuclear Guy bellowed dramatically.

Paul looked up at him all defiantly and went, "Never!"

Then Nuclear Guy lifted up his sword and I could barely look, but I did anyway because this was soooo exciting! Anyway, he lifted up his sword and went to plunge it into Paul's heart, but then Paul ducked and the sword just went into the stock cupboard door. Suddenly there were these screams from inside the cupboard and when Paul moved away from it out tumbled Suze Simon and then Adam McTavish on top of her.

Everyone stared. And I mean _everyone_, when I looked round it seemed like the whole school had been watching that fight. I almost laughed. I mean, Suze and _Adam_! Someone told me he was _gay_.

They quickly stood up, looking embarrassed. And then Suze looked at Nuclear Guy and started to look a bit guilty. Wondering why she was acting like that I turned and looked at him. He was looking at Suze like she had taken his sword and shoved it through his heart or something. It was kind of depressing really…

Oh well!

I decided to ruin the moment, because, seriously, why should Suze and Nuclear Guy get all the attention? I ran up to Paul and squealed, "Ohmigosh, Paul! Are you okay?"

Paul nodded kind of dazedly, still staring at Suze. Realising that I wasn't going to get anything out of him, I turned to Nuclear Guy and went, "Ohmigosh, Nuclear Guy! Are you insane? You could have killed him!"

That got the attention of all of them. Luckily, that didn't mean the whole school anymore, since everyone had started to leave when they realized that the fight was over. But Paul and Suze and Nuclear Guy all looked at me like I'd just said something really weird… like that I bought my clothes from Wal Mart or something. I mean, _as if! _

"What?" I asked, starting to feel uncomfortable.

Suze went in this totally surprised voice, "You can actually _see_ him?"

"Well, _duh_! I mean, he's _there_ isn't he?" I said. _God,_ what was going on?

Suze looked even more surprised, and a little confused, "So you're a mediator too?"

I looked uncertainly over at Paul for a second; he looked kind of horrified for some reason. I didn't get it, what was going on here?

"No," I said, then I straightened up proudly, "I am Kelliella Alexandra… Esmarelda… Um… well, okay, I can't remember my name, but you lot better stop looking at me funny because I am a descendent of the all powerful Kelliella Trotsbottom and I can kick butt if I want to!"

Suze and Paul just looked even more confused, but Nuclear Guy looked more shocked than ever.

"You are related to Kelliella Trotsbottom?" I nodded, kind of confused by his behaviour. "Then you may have heard of me… I am Hector de Silva."

Hector de Silva? Hey, cool! That was my great great whatever grandfather's name too-

OH MY GOD!

This means I thought my own grandfather was hot!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!


	7. This means WAR!

**Chapter 7**

I stared at my great-great-great-great grandfather. Oh god, I don't have to call him that, do I? Daddy said that I should call him Grandpa Jesse.

I don't think so.

I mean, Nuclear Guy is a way better name than Jesse or – oh God – HECTOR. I shuddered. But fine, I'll call him Jesse if he luuuurves the name so much. Gawd.

"Oh my God! This is, like, sooooo weird. I mean, if you're my great-great-great-great grandfather then aren't you supposed to be, like, dead?"

They all stared at me like I'd just said something really stupid. Yeah, well… I'll show them.

I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!

Eventually.

"What?" I didn't like this one bit. These guys aren't even part of CeeCee's band of freaks – I mean _my_ band of freaks. Mine. MINE, I TELL YOU! – And they're all acting like they're better than me!

IT'S NOT _FAIR_!

"Stop it! Stop it right now! I demand RESPECT!"

Suddenly they all stopped the whole ha-ha-we're-all-so-much-smarter-and-cooler-than-you-Kelly thing and looked shocked. It was, like, soooooo cool. I guess I'm good at this ordering people around business.

"What the- what was _that_?" Suze asked me.

"What was what?" I asked, annoyed that they still hadn't answered my question. I mean, come on, It's not like I asked them anything _hard_.

"Kelly, your eyes just _flashed_ red," Paul explained.

"Oh," I said. "Well, what do you expect? I _told _not to mess with me, but you totally didn't listen! You just kept on looking at me like I'm this big freak, but _hello_ I'm not the one who's _glowing_ here."

They just kept staring at me, looking, like, totally shocked.

"What _are_ you?" Suze finally asked.

I rolled my eyes. God, these guys are, like, sooooooo retarded.

"I'm a demon, _duh_!"

There was silence for a few seconds until Paul said, "Well, that figures."

"Isn't it _great_?" I beamed at him.

"But, this doesn't make any sense. Demons don't _exist_!" Suze cried.

I narrowed my eyes at her. Oh my God, she was, like, totally insulting me!

"Omigosh! That is soooooo offensive. TAKE HER AWAY!" I yelled, flinging my arms up in the air dramatically.

Nothing happened.

God, what is _wrong_ with these people? And WHERE WERE MY SENTRIES? I should totally have some, then when I click my fingers and go 'take her away', they totally will. Wow, that'd be so cool.

"_Fine_ then. Don't. See if I care!"

I glared at all of them, especially Jesse. "If you know her then why didn't you tell her about my kind, your _daughter's_ kind? Why keep it a secret? Are you ashamed of us? Are you ashamed of me, your own _granddaughter_?"

"Yeah, about that," Suze piped up, turning to Jesse. "She _is_ joking, right? I mean, you don't actually have any children, do you?"

I gave Suze a weird look. Why would I joke about something like that? God, she is SUCH a moron!

"No, she is right, Susannah, I do, or rather I _did_ have a daughter, back when I was alive."

His eyes sort of glazed over then, like he was thinking about something or whatever. Ha, this was soooooooooo great, like a soap opera or something. Which is cool, 'cause I always though I'd make a good actress.

Suze was staring at Jesse like she couldn't believe what she was hearing; it was AWESOME!

"How, could you not tell me about something like this, Jesse?" Suze whispered dramatically.

"Because I was ashamed!" Jesse cried. "I was ashamed of myself for running away with a woman I barely knew and also for abandoning our illegitimate child."

"And probably for that thing with the man-veela, too," I added and Jesse turned bright red.

Suze looked really confused. "What thing-"

"SLATER SLEEPS WITH A TEDDY BEAR!" Jesse yelled suddenly.

All eyes turned to Paul, who went just as red as Jesse just had. "Wha… ! No I don- but, but the man-veela! What about the man-veela? _Fine_ then, I admit it. How do you even know about that anyway?"

Jesse's eyes went shifty. "Er, well…"

I suddenly got fed up of the attention not being on me. "Are you two together?" I asked Jesse and Suze.

"We were," Jesse said, but then his face darkened, but not, like, literally, because that would have been weird. Unless he was, like, half chameleon or something. "But I am not so sure now that I know Susannah has been cheating on me with that-" He said some weird Spanish stuff that I didn't understand 'cause it was, like, in Spanish or something.

"Speaking of Adam, where is he?" I asked.

"I'm here," Adam said, raising a hand and coming forward. "And, no I have no idea what any of you are talking about."

"God, Adam," I said, "No need to give us your life story. We were just checking that you hadn't, you know, died or anything."

Adam shrank back into the background, looking disappointed.

"Jesse," Suze said, picking up where we left off, "I can explain! We were so lonely with CeeCee gone that we needed to do something about it. So we decided to try and make her jealous. That was all it was Jesse, I swear!"

What_ever_! God, that excuse was sooooooo stupid. Like anybody would actually try to make someone jealous by making out in a stock cupboard. As if!

Jesse seemed to believe it, though. "Oh, _querida_!" he cried, "I never doubted you for a second."

Yeah, I bet you didn't. Paul and I exchanged knowing looks, which was sooooooo cool, 'cause I've never exchanged a knowing look with Paul before. I don't know why.

"So are you two back together now?" I asked and they nodded, as they reached out and held each other's hands. Which I guess was kind of sweet. Maybe.

Bleh.

Suddenly I grinned evilly as a thought crossed my mind. "Hey, if you two got married then that would make you my step-great-great-great-great grandmother, Suze!"

**(A/N: lol, thanks to Hazel Eyed Dreamer for pointing that out)**

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That is soooooooooo funny. Even Paul was laughing. Adam was too, but I glared at him and he shut up.

Suze looked really horrified, which just made the whole thing funnier.

When we FINALLY stopped laughing Suze said in this annoyed voice, "So what are we going to do about CeeCee? Since the whole making out in a stock cupboard thing didn't seem to work."

Oh, didn't it? I wonder WHY?

"Oh, don't worry about that," I said lightly. "Paulie over here has it covered. Don't you, Paulie?"

I think we can forget about Nuclear Guy, 'cause Paul's the real superhero, here! You can always rely on him to save the day!

"Actually, I don't. I've decided that I can't do it. There is no way I am going to shoot my girlfriend. And I'm resigning from Horns of the Devil LTD. It wasn't doing so well anyway, I didn't manage to assassinate one person."

My eyes widened. How could he do this to me? This was soooooooo unfair! "But you promised," I said, tears springing to my eyes. "You told me you'd kill CeeCee!"

At this point, Jesse started to look confused. "You mean, you are going out with CeeCee?" he asked Paul.

Paul nodded.

"So you are not chasing after Susannah anymore?"

"Er… no," Paul said.

"And there was really no need for the boulder, the machine gun, the piano or the swordfight?"

"Probably not."

"Oh," Jesse said, "sorry about that."

Wait, so the reason Jesse was pissed enough at Paul to roll a huge boulder after him, shoot at him with a machine gun, try to crush him with a piano and challenge him to a swordfight was just because he was he didn't like the fact that Paul fancied Suze? Uh… was that romantic or creepy?

Suddenly a thought hit me.

"Wait!" I cried. "You mean, YOU'RE the one who sent a giant boulder rolling after Paul so that CeeCee had to rescue him so he asked her out so CeeCee got really popular and made all our lives miserable?"

Jesse looked guilty. "Er… yes?"

"You mean this is all YOUR fault?" Suze asked, looking like she could hardly believe it. I didn't blame her, my own grandfather, who'd have thought it?

"Um… maybe."

"Gee, thanks, _granddad_," I said, but I was being sarcastic because I didn't really mean it.

What was I going to do about this now that Paul wasn't going to kill CeeCee for me? God, this was sooooooo annoying! I couldn't even out Paul about being Ike Eelyu because he wasn't Ike Eelyu anymore! Which was a shame, because it was a really hot name.

That was it; I was going to have to kill CeeCee myself.

Only, how could I, when she had that huge army of clone girls to back her up?

Suddenly it hit me. To fight an army, I was going to have to have an army of my own. Hmm…

I couldn't believe I was doing this. Stooping so low, I mean. I was gorgeous, I was special… demon blood has to make you special, right? And daddy always said I was special, and he'd totally never lie to me. And so, I, like, totally was still cool… whatever those losers at school thought. Who cared what they thought, anyway?

Not me!

Well… maybe a bit. But the fact remained, I was still better than some people there… and I was totally going to use it to my advantage.

Suckers!

Which is why I was standing behind a randomly placed podium, being all cool and sneaky and stealthy and stuff, watching them. My first victims, I mean.

One of said victims reached out with a hand that was like, as pale as milk… and put it around the little white wooden thing, moving it in a, like, weird L shape. "My knight puts your king in check," he said nasally, punching the air with his hand.

…Freak. I seriously had to be reaching low here. I'd better never be one of these total losers! What where they even playing? Geeks n Dragons R Us?

Haha, good one, Kelly!

The guy sitting opposite the nerd glared and sat staring at the pieces. For like five minutes, seriously. Hello? Have they ever heard of 'boring'? I could watch one of them shell things… a snail… move and it'd be more exciting than this. And more disgusting… they leave pretty glowy trails, but where must they come out of? Ewww.

This was all totally Paul's fault for bailing out on me. You can't just STOP being an assassin! And you can't just stop calling yourself Ike! I'm like, so totally mad at him.

But it's also grandpa Jesse's fault too. Hello, who even rolls boulders at people any more? That's so… Looney Tunes!

In another part of the room, these kids were sitting with books as big as their head, saying things in, like, really big words. What was the need? Show-offs! Who uses big words anyway? They're so last year!

I glanced at my piece of paper. I'd totally been preparing for this last night, and writing. Then I remembered that writing is lame, so I drew cool little doodles of Paul shooting CeeCee and her clone army.

I want my own clone army!

Focus, Kelly, focus… I can't make clones. If I make clones then I won't be as special! But I WILL have my army! They WILL do my bidding! We WILL rule the world!

…Or the school, anyway.

"May I have your attention!" I said. We'd totally done this at school once when we had a fire drill, and this was way more important.

The nerds stopped what they were doing and turned to me like… a big group of nerds. Well, it's what they were, after all.

"I'm Kelly Prescott," I began, and already they had the audacity to interrupt me!

"Is she not the girl whose prior social stance was equivalent to what CeeCee Webb's is right now?"

What did that mean? I was going to yell at them, when another nerd broke in.

"Except she did not spent all of her time surrounded by doppelgangers!"

"But technically, they're not doppelgangers, are they? Although the amount of powder applied to their faces gives the appearance of ghostliness, they're not technically ghosts, so they can't be a doppelganger, however much they appear to haunt the current-"

That was it! I'd had enough!

"SILENCE!" I yelled. How dare they interrupt me with their smart talk? They'd obviously been reading a dictionary for fun. They aren't just losers… they're like… such EXTREME losers!

"Okay," I announced, glaring at them, "It's like this… CeeCee Webb is, like, a total freak. And now she's more popular than me, and it's not fair, because I'm the super cute, adorable person. And I have special powers and stuff. She just has special powders. White ones. That make her look like even more of a freak. So she, like, can't stay at the top of the…" I gestured, trying to think of a word.

"Hierarchy?" suggested one of the nerds.

"…Whatever," I said. "And it's only a matter of time before she thinks she can boss US around and make us into her clones! And that's not on, because, hello, who wants to be like her?"

A female nerd shifted uncomfortably. I narrowed my eyes. The others stayed still.

"What is it that you propose we do?" asked one of the nerds who'd spoken before. He looked strangely familiar…

"Who the hell are you?" I asked.

"David Ackerman," he informed me gravely. Ewww. That means he'd totally be somehow related to me if Suze got married to my grandpa! Nerd relatives! The humanity! They would have to be stopped!

But so would CeeCee. And she was first on my hit list. (Wow, having a hit list is like sooooooo cool!)

"Well, she's just going to boss you around. And I'm here to stop that."

"But then YOU'LL just boss us around!"

There was a moment of silence. "…So?"

"What makes you better than her?"

Um, how about everything? It's so… obvious! So, I don't even answer the loser.

"She has an army of clones!" I cried passionately. "An ARMY! We can fight back with our own army!"

"I've been chess champion for two years," one nerd announced shyly. "I'd like to think that I'm a decent strategist."

"…Shut up," I told him impatiently. I wasn't done yet! "I am better than you, and so you will serve me and my army, and you WILL do my bidding, damnit!"

"Her oculus' have become crimson!"

"Perhaps she is some sort of chameleon, for they do seem to share many attributes…"

"WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" I demanded, affronted by the weird long words that now seem to be, like, crawling into my vocabulary… ew, nerdiness!

"Your eyes have gone red…" one of them whimpered.

I gave them a weird look. "Well, duh. They've only been doing it for, like, the past five chapters."

"Chapters?" one nerd asked.

"I mean days," I corrected myself. "Now… who's with me? Who swears to help in our cool attempt to like, suppose CeeCee's army?"

"You mean 'oppose'," replied another of the nerds.

"That's what I said, stupid. I'll ask again: WHO'S WITH ME?"

They all exchanged nervous looks, then their hands all rose into the air as one…

Oh, yeah. I rock.

"Great!" I said, hopping down from behind the podium. I turned to give them one last demonic smile, and saw that one of them still had his hand up.

"You can put your hand down now, you know," I informed him.

"I… I… think I'm going to be-"

But he didn't say any more, because he like, tossed his lunch up on the floor. Who knew he liked carrots? Eww! Didn't need to know that…

"Well," I told the nerds cheerfully, "while we're pointing-"

"Appointing," corrected a nerd absent-mindedly.

"-_appointing,"_ I emphasized with a glare, "jobs to all of you… I should totally pick one of you for a part-time cleaner."

They all totally exchanged horrified expressions again.

"What have we gotten ourselves into?" one whispered dramatically, like it was the end of the world or something. (As if! That's my popularity TOTALLY ending!)

"More than you'd like to know," I told them, and totally, like, went back to my evil laugh.

Today, I decided, was really looking up!

**A/N: Sorry it took so long. Thanks to everyone who reviewed.**

**Marie, if you're going to review again, please remember to sign out of my account first please.**

**Review!**


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